Have you ever found yourself thinking “I just want him/her to make me happy?” Well, listen up. These words are for you.
You see, my early twenties were full of toxic relationships. They were the years of me trying to fit in and ‘find my place.’ They were the years of learning who I could trust, and how I deserved to be treated. They were the years of me searching for my happiness to come from someone or something outside of myself. And oh goodness – did I make some mistakes! I let some people into my life that hurt me. I trusted some people I shouldn’t have. And looking back, these were the years of some of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned.
Fast forward through some pain, heartbreak, hard lessons, and a lot of self-work – and I found myself in a loving and supportive relationship with my current partner. And one of the most important things I’ve discovered in the process is that it all starts with you.
Here’s what I mean. I found that a relationship can only be as strong as the relationship you have with yourself. The more connected I feel with myself, the stronger my relationship grows. The more self-love I hold, the more my capacity to accept love grows and in turn I become a better partner. The more grounded I feel within my self-worth, the more I learn to set healthy boundaries and communicate my needs. And this one has been a life-long process for me. Boundaries are so important and yet can be so hard to set. I’ve found that before you can build strong boundaries where you communicate your needs, you have to first know what it is you like, dislike and actually need. It all starts with checking in with yourself.
And I’m not saying you have to have it all figured out or you have to be perfect and never slip into old patterns to have a great relationship. What I am saying is if you consistently don’t feel worthy or deep down you think you’re not good enough for a healthy and thriving relationship, it’s going to be hard to maintain one.
So, my friend, do you find yourself craving more connection within your relationship? Time for a check in. Are you connected to yourself? Your needs? Your desires?
Have you found yourself in a cycle of toxic relationships or drama? Time for a check in. What’s your relationship with yourself? Is it toxic or nurturing and compassionate?
Missing that spark? Time for a check in. Maybe it’s time to find the spark within yourself first.
I hope you know you are SO WORTHY of a thriving and healthy relationship. And yes - it will contribute to your happiness. But someone else can’t make you happy if you don’t feel worthy, or if you aren’t ready, or if you don’t know what makes you happy in the first place. What it really comes down to is that we are responsible for the creation of our own happiness. Our happiness - our responsibility. It all starts with you.
Sam is a certified life and confidence coach who works with introverted millennial women that struggle to step out of fear and limiting beliefs but are craving more adventure in their lives. She loves supporting her clients to honor their needs and harness their natural strengths as introverts as they uncover that they don’t have to be an extrovert to live a radically confident life.
If you’d like to hear more you can find Sam at:
On the web: www.samblockcoaching.com